I have always loved my birthday. I love surprises and cake, so it's a perfect day for me. And I love other people's birthdays too. The whole ceremony just gets me.
Over the past three years, birthdays, however, have become less fun. And it's not because I'm getting older. (I'm only 28 for goodness sake.) I can sum up my new distrust of birthdays in one word: family.
My parents' divorce finally went through this fall, but they've been apart for more than two years. It was not amicable. Currently, my father is living with the person who caused much of the rancor. Well, to be fair, my parents caused most of the rancor, but she's an easy target.
Right before my daughter's first birthday, I came to the conclusion that I did not want to have two birthdays, two holidays, two whatever to appease my parents. And I've stuck by that. If they want to celebrate with my husband and I, then they need to behave like grown-ups. I refuse to go through hoops and extra expense to make them feel better.
This all sounds good on paper, of course. They behave fine during the event, but it's the after that is no fun. My mom still whines about Em's birthday (which was in June), and my dad is non-communicative about it, but he is so stinking awkward when my mom is around.
Now it's my husband's birthday, and we only invited my mom. I wimped out and I feel awful. It annoys me that I let her bad behavior dictate my choices. To be quite honest, I just didn't want to deal with the backlash. Unfortunately, the whole thing makes me feel about five years old. Boo.
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