Ah, downtime!

I really, really needed a vacation. I feel so much better now that I've had a few days off. It's been glorious to get out of town. And it's been wonderful spending so much time with my adorable niece. We went to an awesome park yesterday in Redding and the girls had a blast. My daughter went down the slide by herself (not too thrilled by it actually) and climbed all over the play structure.

Before we left Elk Grove, there was some definite weirdness. Out of the blue, my dad decides to visit. So he comes up for dinner, which is fine, but he brings with him a whole cadre of akwardness: his girlfriend, her stern Dutch mother, his girlfriends two children (who are NOT impressed by my father), my disapproving grandmother, and my aunt (who is lovely.) We somehow crowded everyone around our very small table. It went fine, but I managed to kill off a bottle of wine. Oops! :)

So, tomorrow we're heading back home and back to reality. And back to two angry cats, I imagine. Oh well, Christmas is only a month a way. I can make it...

So Happy to be Here!

I have dreamt about this Thanksgiving for the longest time, as far back as six years ago when I made the first drive up from San Jose to my husband's family in Redding. It took us almost 8 hours! It was a new kind of horrible. I honestly remember sitting in traffic on the 80, not moving, and thinking, "Do I really love this man?"

And when I was a month pregnant and facing the same drive and the fun job of telling his parents, I was thinking, "Boy I really love this man." And then I spent the next six hours pulling over and throwing up.

Now, my attitude is much improved. We have finally moved out of the Bay Area and we are heading up tomorrow to Redding to spend my favorite of holidays with our lovely family. I finally work in a school district that gives off the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. (Though, I'd be estatic to work in one that gives the whole week, but I'll take what I can get.) I'm so happy I drew hand Turkeys (a la first grade) on my board. My highschoolers were actually pretty appreciative, surprisingly.

I hope all the families out there have a fantastic holiday with their families. I look forward to reading all about your celebrations.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Old Memories

Someone very close to me has just discovered that she is pregnant. While she is married, she and her husband are not ready for a baby and are probably going to terminate the pregnancy. They are very young and have only been married two months. She is a teacher, he is a student, and they have no health insurance. They are very responsible people, excluding, of course, one big recent choice, and hate the idea of not being prepared to raise a child.

I identify with their situation completely because two years ago this was me. My husband (we were not married at the time) and I discovered that we were pregnant and we were not prepared at all. We seriously considered an abortion and it was an awful time. When I finally decided that I could not go through with an abortion, I was wracked with guilt and fear. I was convinced that I had made a decision for my husband that he did not want. It was an awful time.

Eventually, we both fell in love with our pregnancy. We got married and committed ourselves to a very different life than we had expected, a very beautiful life. Now, when my husband and I cuddle with our small girl in bed on weekend mornings, I'm filled with a searing joy.

But the last two Novembers have been hard. It has been very difficult for me not to think of the pain I felt when I first got pregnant, the resentment towards my boyfriend and the embarrassment I felt over not being more careful. Last November, my daughter was five months old and I was suffering with depression. So it was a difficult time. Things are going well now, but I'm surprised by my emotions for my loved one's problem. She is much more convinced than I was that an abortion is the right choice and she seems sad, but relatively comfortable with her decision. However, I cannot shake my sadness today.

Terrible Twos? Ha!!!

This weekend we are at my in-laws up north to celebrate my niece's first birthday. She is such a cutie! Totally sweet and affectionate. And my normally very sweet daughter has picked up some not so sweet behaviors since being here: shoving, whining, pouting. Not fun. If I hold my niece, Em is NOT happy. If my niece has a toy, Em HAS to have it, even if she discarded it five seconds earlier. I know this is not new behavior for kids, but it's surpising to see your own kid do it. Hey, where's my cute baby?

Em's new thing is to withhold affection. "Can Mommy have a kiss?"

"No." And she resolutely turns her head and runs to her dad.

Ouch. Just a couple weeks ago, she was willingly giving me kisses and hugs. Now, nope. None of that. Until I'm eating something; then she's all hugs. It's amazing how quickly they learn to be manipulative. Amazing or scary, you pick.

I hate Thursdays

Today, a very sweet student of mine said to me, "Mrs. Moeckli, don't take this the wrong way, but today's lesson isn't very interesting." (She really did put it that way, which is AMAZING.) I replied to her, "I know, I'm sorry. Just think of me, I have to teach it FIVE times today." It's a really bad sign when you bore yourself as a teacher. But the kids were troopers and went through the lesson just fine.

But this is how I feel about most Thursdays. They are definitely my least favorite day of the week. It's not Friday yet, anything you've been putting off all week you generally have to do that day, and the day just drags on! I'm actually still at work, waiting for students to come by and get tutored. I'd really like to go pick up my daughter and get my evening started.

Today's also going slowly probably because I'm looking forward to this weekend so much. It is my niece's first birthday and we are traveling up north to my in-laws to celebrate it. Also, it's Veterans' Day so I get Monday off.

So I just read this post and it's pretty boring! Man alive it needs to be Friday!

Teenagers are the new first graders

I don't mean to be disrespectful of our veterans of foreign wars (cause they are awesome), but I could REALLY use a day off. I'm extra-special thankful that Veterans' Day is coming up, not that I don't have some really sweet, funny kids. It's just that I'm so dang tired of saying "Yes, I really meant stay seated...really" and "If I see you throw one more piece of paper across the room, I'm calling your mother RIGHT now." (Be advised, I teach high schoolers.)

I was thinking today, as I was picking up my classroom after school and still finding halloween wrappers in my books, that it would be advisable for teachers to have baby pictures of their students. That way, when a student is, let's say, special, we can pull out the picture and say to ourselves: yes, he/she was cute at one point. That little darling has to be in there somewhere. Has to be...

So sad

The last two evenings, my hubby and I have watched crappy tv. And not even good cable tv, like first 13 channels crappy tv. I think we watched three episodes in a row of CSI. Now, I was drinking wine, so I was more immune to the crappiness than he was. I'm not sure what his excuse is. I know what mine is and man is it SAD.

We watched such crappy tv for three hours (ugh, that's depressing) cause we didn't want to get up and make a decision about which movie to watch. That's how much parenting sucks the adult out of you. After a long day of making choices for another person and moving at breakneck speed, you screeeeech to a halt at night (that's 7:30 for us parents) and are incapable of action. Just watch your average parents of a young child try to order a pizza: pepperoni...no, hawaiian, no veggie...argh, SWEET JESUS, make up your mind!

I think this problem affects only new parents cause my friends who have more than one kid (that would actually only be one friend of mine) seem to have no problem making decisions for themselves. And the weird thing is that my job is all about making decisions. I've never done the math (cause that would blow), but as a teacher, I have to make at least 100 different decisions before I've finished my first cup of coffee (that would be the end of first period, circa nine am.) When I'm with kiddo, I have no problems either. It's just when I'm by myself at the store, trying to make that crucial choice between pinto or black beans that I am stuck. Weird.

H out.

Yay Saturday

A glass of wine, a bathed and sleepy baby, and no teenagers in sight. Complete bliss.

Today we went to the zoo, which is always a weird experience for me. I feel bad for some of the animals in captivity. They looked so bored, especially the apes. You could tell they were telling themselves: "This shit is LAME." But the emus looked content. I suppose they would pretty much anywhere.

My daughter loved it though, especially the giraffes and the cats. She was more interested in the other kids though, which seemed to unreasonably annoy my husband.

While scrapbooking today (I'm so 40 and white), my dad called and we almost had a normal conversation. Almost. He sounds really tired, but interested in what's going on with us. He got really quiet when I talked to him about the fight in my classroom the other week. I could tell he was really concerned. That's the nice thing about him; he's protective of me, but to a certain extent. He knows that I can handle my own issues, even if I'm not entirely sure I can.

I suppose I should also give my mom a call. Where's that wine bottle?!? Just kidding. Really.

Out.