Monday, May 26, 2008

Different Year, Way Different Day

The weather this Memorial day is just plain odd. I can't remember when this day has been so cloudy, cold, and windy. It got me thinking about last year's holiday.

Last Year...
We lived in San Jose in this cute two-bedroom apartment. There were things I didn't like: you couldn't see the living room from the kitchen and the rent was insane. But there were several cool things. The property was maintained nicely and the pool was just outside our door.

At the last minute, we decided to have an impromptu BBQ. My mother, sister and her then fiance, and a friend of theirs came from Concord to hang out. My husband made pineapple margaritas and hamburgers (the latter I don't remember so good because of the former.) We hung out at the pool, taking my daughter for one of her first swims. I wasn't sure how she'd feel about it, but, fearless as always, she loved!

Last year's holiday was perfect. I was finally coming out of my post-partum fog and my friend's wedding was all done and over. I needed one big breath of relaxing air before we plunged into moving to Elk Grove and starting a new job.

This Year...
This year it isn't only the weather that's different. We live in Elk Grove now, my job, while mostly enjoyable, is still in jeopardy, both my husband and I are going back to school, and my ever-talkative little girl is almost two.

Saturday we met up with friends at the Tower Cafe in Sacramento. Everyone seemed to like their food. Mine sucked. For future reference, I do not recommend the mexicana omelet unless you like your eggs swimming in sour cream.

Yesterday, my dad and his mother came over to watch Em. Justin and I went to see Iron Man, which was a ton of fun. The movie was really cool, fast-paced, and (we were embarrassed to admit) too loud. Justin went bonkers with the snacks (my dad treated us for our birthdays) and bought popcorn, candy, soda, and two hot dogs. Yes two. And he ate both.

Today I'm not sure what we are going to do. I'd like to spend time outside, but it's downright crummy out there. And what do you make for dinner on a rainy Memorial Day? BBQ seems out of place.

This Memorial Day seems to suit my mood right now...very ambiguous and strange. I feel rather lost right now when it comes to my job, etc. The only thing keeping me nailed down at all is my family. While it's not quite the holiday I imagined, I am more than happy to spend it with them.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ms H, the Zombie

Today I was the perfect example for my students for why one should think long and hard about having children. Parenthood should not be entered into lightly. One should ask themselves "How much do I like to sleep?" If the answer is anything more than "only a little", run screaming from being a parent.

I'm only kidding. Mostly.

I love my child. She's sweet. She's unique. She gives my life meaning. Blah, blah, blah. She will not sleep and I have anger towards her about this.

Saturday night, she fell asleep nicely at 8:30. My husband and I watched TWO movies (well, he did; I went to sleep after Juno.) He came to bed around midnight. She woke up at 1 and would not sleep until 5. We rocked, we cajoled, we patted her back until no end (by we, I mean my husband...he's much more patient.)

Unfortunately, I slept in on Sunday until 10. So did Em. So Em skipped her nap, which made our day run so smoothly. My favorite part was when she cried as she ate her pizza for dinner. She was so happy to have pizza, yet too tired to enjoy it.

Sunday night went fine. And then there was Monday.

Again, she fell asleep quietly. Woke up at 11:30 and we couldn't get her back down. It was my turn, so I patted her back, changed her diaper, gave her gas medicine, rocked her. Nope. At three, I was still up. My husband took over and she did not fall asleep until 6.

Neither of us could take off time from work, so we dropped her off at daycare with a fare-thee-well to our daycare lady and shuffled our way to work (so safe for us to be driving by the way.)

I slogged through the morning classes okay. We're reading To Kill a Mockingbird and we were at one of my favorite parts. But this afternoon was ROUGH. My air conditioning didn't work (worked fine at 8...nice), so there we all were. Trying to read in a balmy, smelly class room. I almost put myself to sleep.

The little angel better sleep tonight, or so help me...Oh, who am I'm kidding? I'm too tired to do anything other than cry.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mental Health Day

So my district has an inconvenient policy about subs: if they cover for more than three periods, then they get paid for a whole day (translation--you lose an entire day of sick leave.) Well, I had a job interview this morning at 8 and was going to need to miss three periods. I have no sick leave left, so I'm paying for my subs out of my paycheck (really trying to ignore the rudeness of being laid off and required to lose pay to find a job...whatever.)

In short, I gave myself the day off today.

I went to my interview. It was more of tour actually, which was nice. Often you are offered a job without seeing the school with actual kids on campus, which is always a bit unsettling. I'm not totally sold on the school, but it seems like a decent place to work. I still am not thrilled about starting over. was good and I need to focus on that.

After my interview, I went to Borders, found some fun books. (One is so awesome--I Was Told There'd Be Cake, a collections of essays by a snarky woman my age--really funny.) I got a latte and a snack and spent 40 minutes all by myself.

Then, I went to Target and Trader Joe's and actually shopped by myself. I think the last time I did that it was February. I came back home, read a bit, and napped. AWESOME!

I got my exercise done by 4, watched a little Sex in the City (the episode where Carrie falls on the runway--me likey!), and picked up my daughter.

Em and I spent the evening going through all her old winter clothes, sorting them into the appropriate piles, and playing dress-up (have I mentioned how much I like having a girl?)

Tomorrow, it's back to work. But I really needed some quiet to myself. I've been feeling really drained lately and it was nice to be beholden to no one today.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

What's up with 6:57?!?

I have a lovely child. She is so lovely, in fact, that she sleeps in on the weekends. (I know some people feel anger towards me on this point, which is totally justified.)

Most weekends, I roll out of bed at 8ish, make coffee, check my email. By nine o'clock, I wake up Em. I don't want her to sleep in too late cause it'll put her off her nap. Normally, I feel rested and relaxed.

Well, today I woke up at 6:57. I actually stayed in bed for awhile to try to get back to sleep to no avail. I don't feel well-rested; I feel bleary eyed. But I can't go back to sleep.

This is just another occasion of my being really off this week. On Thursday, I fell asleep at 8:30, couldn't even stay up for Supernatural. Yesterday, I felt real off. A kid made popcorn in my room and I wanted to hurl. I love popcorn.

I'm not pregnant, but this all could be related to a certain fun visitor I'm getting next week. Note that I'm supposed to get it NEXT WEEK! Around the 15th. Yet, now, a week earlier, my internal clock is off, my feet are swollen, I cry at all lame mother's day commercials, and my moods are erratic (some might call them bride-of-satan inspired.) So lame.

Well, I am going to attempt to wake up. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee from Starbucks (we're out at home...argh) and read a book. Hopefully, I feel normal soon. Whatever that is.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Well, that's new

I cannot sing. I mouth "Happy Birthday." It's so bad that when people discover my not-singing, they tell me to go ahead and sing (it can't be that bad), and then promptly tell me to stop.

I'm okay with all this. Particularly because my daughter has loved to hear me sing.

When she was first born, I was on bath time duty pretty much every night. Over the first year of her life I would sing the same 7 or so songs and she would laugh and laugh. Her favorites: "Itsy Bitsy Spider", "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," and "Old MacDonald." At about 10 months she began mouthing the words with me and really following along. She'd do hand movements. It was adorable.

Little girl Em apparently has no desire to be adorable.

Today, after bath, I'm singing. She cuts me off: "No, no Itsy." Okay. I start with another: "No, no Tinkle." Well, what ya want, kid?!

I ask her, "What song you want to sing?" Her reply, "No song, Mama." So we counted how long it took to get dressed. She seemed okay with that.

Maybe my singing days are done. Maybe not. However, I'm aware that we have reached a new place, my daughter and I.