Old Memories

Someone very close to me has just discovered that she is pregnant. While she is married, she and her husband are not ready for a baby and are probably going to terminate the pregnancy. They are very young and have only been married two months. She is a teacher, he is a student, and they have no health insurance. They are very responsible people, excluding, of course, one big recent choice, and hate the idea of not being prepared to raise a child.

I identify with their situation completely because two years ago this was me. My husband (we were not married at the time) and I discovered that we were pregnant and we were not prepared at all. We seriously considered an abortion and it was an awful time. When I finally decided that I could not go through with an abortion, I was wracked with guilt and fear. I was convinced that I had made a decision for my husband that he did not want. It was an awful time.

Eventually, we both fell in love with our pregnancy. We got married and committed ourselves to a very different life than we had expected, a very beautiful life. Now, when my husband and I cuddle with our small girl in bed on weekend mornings, I'm filled with a searing joy.

But the last two Novembers have been hard. It has been very difficult for me not to think of the pain I felt when I first got pregnant, the resentment towards my boyfriend and the embarrassment I felt over not being more careful. Last November, my daughter was five months old and I was suffering with depression. So it was a difficult time. Things are going well now, but I'm surprised by my emotions for my loved one's problem. She is much more convinced than I was that an abortion is the right choice and she seems sad, but relatively comfortable with her decision. However, I cannot shake my sadness today.