Our Girls in Crisis

I had thought about something else to write about today, but a more pressing matter came up.

For 6 years, I taught middle school, and then I moved to high school. I've made a pretty smooth transition, but there are a few things I struggle with.

One is teenage pregnancy.

Last year, a student of mine got pregnant by a boy in my class. Unknown to me, he told everyone the child wasn't his until the last minute. When she had the child, he demanded that his son be named after him. My girl had the good sense to tell him no and named her son a name of her own choosing. Recently, I just found out the father is incarcerated. He's 17.

This school year has been particularly difficult in terms of teen pregnancy. Two young Hmong girls, both married, are due this month. Both live with their in-laws, both seem very scared.

Two girls came to me this Fall, freaked out and pregnant. Both decided to have abortions. This was a good choice in my opinion, but incredibly hard on the girls. One girl was hospitalized for complications. I had to call in CPS for the other because her boyfriend was threatening her if she didn't get one.

And today another girl confessed the news to me. I feel another CPS call in my future. It seems that the father is also threatening her, this time to take the child from her if she has it. I'm pretty sure he is an adult man.

I am very upset that these girls are pregnant. I cannot imagine how difficult their lives are. One small choice can radically shift a person's life. It is so terrifying.

What upsets me more, however, is how these experiences reveal how badly these young girls are treated by the men in their lives. Now, I know these men, most children themselves, are scared, but these girls do not know how to stand up for themselves.

Here are some of the things I've heard from my girls:
"He told me he loved me and he wanted a baby. Now he wants an abortion."

"He said if I had the baby, I'd be an unfit mother, but he goes to work high."

"He told our class I was with other men."

"He told me to get an abortion or else."

Yes, I've only heard the girls' perspective, but it's still very alarming. The girls, for the most part, seem very surprised when I'm outraged by these comments. They are very nonchalant. Also, these girls represent every racial group at my school. It appears to be a wide-spread problem.

Why do our girls have such a low opinion of themselves? What can we do to help? I hate knowing that so many of my students are so desperate for love and attention, but don't know how to spot a user, loser, or manipulator.

I am just so sad about this.