It Only Took Two Years!

For a long time, food was the enemy. During high school and college, I struggled between depriving myself of food and binge eating. I was all about extremes. Either I was running 40 miles a week and eating less than 1000 calories, or I sat on my butt watching t.v. and eating fried chicken.

My pregnancy was overall very positive and exciting, but there was one black mark. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I had to eat a hugely restrictive diet and even went on medication when the diet didn't work. Everyone told me my sugars would go back to normal after I gave birth.

They were wrong.

Apparently, I am pre-diabetic. I heard this news several months after Em was born and it was devastating. But did I start losing weight and exercising? Nope. I kept eating crap. Total denial.

Then, at the end of the school year two years ago, I walked a couple miles with my students to a park and literally gave myself road rash because of my thighs rubbing together. Not cool. I weighed myself and was shocked.

So, I went on a reasonable eating and exercise plan (myfoodpyramid.gov) and lost 20 pounds. It felt great. I lost the weight in time for my sister's wedding (and strapless bridesmaid gown), and it was a great feeling.

But it wasn't motivating, so I gained all the weight back by the next summer. Every stinking pound. And I took a glucose test and yup, I'm still pre-diabetic.

This fall I tried to focus on exercise and I did lose five pounds, which I promptly gained all back during Christmas.

February (Ash Wednesday, actually), I hit bottom. I had to go to the doctor for something unrelated. They weighed me and I saw in pure black and white that I was right back where I started. I had 30 pounds to lose again. I broke down and was inconsolable.

For one day. And then I snapped out of it.

It took me over two years, but I finally figured it out. If I want to lose weight, I have to change how I eat. Exercise is great, but diet is what gets me.

Over the last six weeks, I have lost ten pounds (I gained a couple back and re-lost them along the way.) More importantly, I have figured out some key truths about my weight:

* Food is not a reward...EVER
* Being a little hungry won't kill me
* Boredom is the enemy
* Vegetables are not the enemy
* Either are whole grains
* I can lose weight if I want to

I have another 15 pounds to lose, and I'm about to enter uncharted waters. As of Friday, I am officially a weight I have not been since my first trimester. This scares me. What if I fail?

I think the key is not to think at all. Just do. Just put one foot in front of the other. Put one more carrot in my mouth. I'm at a new place. A place where I can see myself healthy again.