This week was a bit alarming for me. I was really starting to feel that grad school might not be the right fit for me and my family.
Here's what happened this week.
Sunday I started my first research project of graduate school and I remembered something important: I AM A HORRIBLE STUDENT. Really. It's true. I'm not organized. I procrastinate like crazy. And I have a hard time starting projects. I'm a good writer, so I do well in my classes, but it is painful. So I spent the whole day researching, but not writing. It was just really frustrating. I worked hard, but had little to show for it.
Monday I had a staff (ugh) meeting. In 8 years of teaching, I have attended less than 10 meetings that could not have been better dealt with as a lengthy email. I didn't get home until 6. Had to work out, make dinner, get Em to bed, etc. I got precious little done on my research project.
Tuesday I couldn't work on my paper because I had to attend a school board meeting for my class. It was pretty interesting (actually, it was helpful; there was a presentation on the achievement gap, my project topic.) But still, I had no writing done.
Wednesday, the day I was supposed to have half my paper written, came, and I had still done no writing. Ugh. I had to admit to my professor that I didn't get it done. Very embarrassing. It didn't count for points, but still...ugh.
So today has been all about redemption. After a nice breakfast out, Justin took Em to the grocery store so I could get some work done.
And work I did. Finally, I got my confidence back. Whew!
So far I have four solid pages written. I still feel a little out of my element (I am new to research, so I'm not totally sure of what I'm doing.) But I can actually visualize finishing this paper. I was really starting to doubt being in the program. I kept asking myself all week: "Are you really committed to this?"
I can answer yes, I am, now to that question. Thank goodness. I'd feel really silly handing back all that loan money that just came in...
1 comment:
I sent this letter to the Rochester (MN) Post Bulletin:
July 06, 2007
The achievement gap
Some thought-provoking or, depending on your viewpoint — misguided — comments below on recent stories concerning the achievement gap.
Post-Bulletin: “Minnesota 9th- and 10th-grade writing test scores show the achievement gap remains large between minority and white students in Rochester public schools. The scores from tests taken in January underscore the challenges faced by incoming Rochester Superintendent Romaine Dallemand, who has promised to focus on narrowing that gap.”
Breaking News: The Achievement Gap can NEVER be closed.
If you want the truth about something, don’t ask your friend, minister, local politician, activist group, or consulting firm looking for big-bucks contracts. Instead, consult the peer reviewed literature (publish or perish) where professional reputations and careers are on the line, big time. Any flawed reasoning is quickly challenged and exposed.
It is uniformly found in the literature that cognitive performance potential has genetic roots. That’s why, e.g., sperm banks prefer medical students as sources, Ivy League grads are the prized egg donors, and all the ethical speculation regarding “designer babies “ is on-going. Ask any molecular biologist.
The truth is not always a pleasant thing, but that is no reason to bury one’s head in warm fuzzy politically-correct sand. The harsh reality must be faced to move forward.
Whenever two groups go head-to-head on a cognitive playing field as with the “achievement gap, “ the results differences are fundamentally based in genetic variations between the two groups.
Poverty and disadvantage is not an explanation. It is to be naturally expected that low cognitive performers will tend to be found in lower income families. Low-performing students overwhelmingly are the genetically-challenged offspring of parents whose earning capacities, and less-responsible life decisions leading to their poverty, merely reflect their own genetically-rooted cognitive deficiencies. Really no surprise here. The idea, that any child properly nurtured can become an Einstein, is totally pass; appropriate genes are necessary.
No amount of legislation, massive funding, special programs, or litigation can ever close the achievement gap.
Best to identify the superior performing students, regardless of race, and ensure that they have all possible educational advantages and programs. These students are our most precious resource: those who will ultimately be effective in solving society’s problems down the road — the ones who will benefit most from being fully challenged and pushed in school. Squandering educational resources on genetic losers results in The_Best_Children_Left_Behind...
Don Anderson
Kent, WA
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