Whew!

This week was a bit alarming for me. I was really starting to feel that grad school might not be the right fit for me and my family.

Here's what happened this week.

Sunday I started my first research project of graduate school and I remembered something important: I AM A HORRIBLE STUDENT. Really. It's true. I'm not organized. I procrastinate like crazy. And I have a hard time starting projects. I'm a good writer, so I do well in my classes, but it is painful. So I spent the whole day researching, but not writing. It was just really frustrating. I worked hard, but had little to show for it.

Monday I had a staff (ugh) meeting. In 8 years of teaching, I have attended less than 10 meetings that could not have been better dealt with as a lengthy email. I didn't get home until 6. Had to work out, make dinner, get Em to bed, etc. I got precious little done on my research project.

Tuesday I couldn't work on my paper because I had to attend a school board meeting for my class. It was pretty interesting (actually, it was helpful; there was a presentation on the achievement gap, my project topic.) But still, I had no writing done.

Wednesday, the day I was supposed to have half my paper written, came, and I had still done no writing. Ugh. I had to admit to my professor that I didn't get it done. Very embarrassing. It didn't count for points, but still...ugh.

So today has been all about redemption. After a nice breakfast out, Justin took Em to the grocery store so I could get some work done.

And work I did. Finally, I got my confidence back. Whew!

So far I have four solid pages written. I still feel a little out of my element (I am new to research, so I'm not totally sure of what I'm doing.) But I can actually visualize finishing this paper. I was really starting to doubt being in the program. I kept asking myself all week: "Are you really committed to this?"

I can answer yes, I am, now to that question. Thank goodness. I'd feel really silly handing back all that loan money that just came in...

You never really lose a true friend

When I was in high school, I had ISSUES. Most of these issues surrounded my desire to resist all authority figures and the persistence of the authority figures in my life to not give up on me. The one constant in my teenage experience, in addition to always being in trouble, was my love of journalism and writing. In fact, I attribute this love to why I avoided teenage pregnancy, permanent residence in a half-way house, and a starring role in my local jail house.

In high school, I was the editor of my school's newspaper. And I had the pleasure of meeting my friend, Sarah. On the surface, Sarah and I are very different people. She was always the girl who knew the right answer, did the right thing, and I was always the screw up, the one who barely scraped by. And when things got really bad, when I ran away from home and pretty much defied all rules, Sarah was still there, my constant friend.

Luckily, I can still count Sarah as my friend. She moved to Texas for college and ended up settling there when she met her husband. In Texas, she has created a happy home with two lovely children.

Over the past ten years since high school graduation, Sarah and I have kept in sporadic contact through email. We let each other know when the big things happened: marriage, babies, etc.

Recently, we have kept in closer contact through our blogs. In fact, she inspired me to start my own book review blog: www.littlebiggrrlreads.blogspot.com. I was very honored when she asked me to join in on her blog: http://princessbride42book....

This experience has reminded me that it takes time to know who your true friends will be, who will stand by your side, who will always want to listen to your story.