The Best Gifts Cost No Money

Now, it's been awhile since I've received or given a gift that did cost a lot of money (or really anything over 20 bucks), so my perspective may be skewed. But as my 30th (ugh) birthday looms in the not-so-distant future, I am becoming more aware of the small, cost-free gifts we can give that can make a huge difference in our happiness.

The best free gift I can think of: time.

The months after winter break are always a challenge for me. The daily grind really starts to get to me. My energy is low, but I still have a ton of work to do even though all I want to do is go home at 3:30 and hide under my covers. This winter/spring has been particularly challenging because I've had two super intense graduate courses (taught by superintendents of my district...yikes!). And Justin's getting home later and later. Em is a roller coaster of total toddler bliss, whining, and nap skipping. I feel every extra moment is scheduled and accounted for.

I've been scrambling all over the place, begging for some time for myself. Well, this weekend, I got my wish. But it was rather by accident.

My sister-in-law gave birth to my nephew on Thursday. I had class this Saturday, so I couldn't go up to Redding. I was sad when Justin and Emerson left on Friday afternoon, but as I was moping around the house, an important realization dawned on me.

I have never spent an evening by myself in our house.

The last time I was alone was last autumn when Justin took Em up to Redding for a few days. After I made this connection, I started to enjoy myself. I channel surfed, listened to music I like, and took a nap.

Saturday was even better--after class I went to Trader Joe's, bought some appetizers, cleaned up the house, and had two great girl friends over. We chatted way late into the evening. After they left, I watched some bad t.v. and crawled into bed around 2. The best part: I didn't get up until 11. I cannot remember the last time I did that. And it will probably be a long time before that happens again.

Justin and Em will probably be home in a few hours. And I have missed them a ton. I can't wait to see them. But I had a great time relaxing and I felt totally refreshed.

Time. Finally a gift I don't have to send a thank you card for. :)

How to Stay Connected

I'm an extrovert by nature. I need human contact on a regular basis, or I start to feel out of sorts. More importantly, I thrive on quality human contact and conversation. While I do like quiet time, especially during the winter, it's really important that I engage in healthy, interesting human interactions.

My husband and I are able to talk about almost everything and he is a main source of conversation for me. However, he is much quieter than I am.

In short, I drive him crazy.

When I used to teach summer school in San Jose, I'd get out of school around 12. I'd be all by myself until 5 or 6, when Justin would get home. I was like a big puppy, all excited to see him and chat. He was not as interested. This was a problem.

Eventually, I made really good friends with two women at my school. They were great for a chat online, by phone, or over coffee. I was happy. Justin felt relieved.

Last year, however, we decided to move here to Elk Grove, and leave our lives (and friends) in San Jose. After a couple months of Justin and I really only having each other to talk to, I started to look (I'll admit--a little desperately) for friends. I didn't really find anyone at work who I clicked with, so I turned to the Internet. Luckily, I found several great women to hang out with. Some had little kids, some didn't. I have a great group of diverse, interesting friends now in our new area.

When Justin and I started going back to school, we knew it was going to be hard. But I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be in terms of social interaction. Our crazy schedules have us really cut off from family and friends, especially our family that still lives in the Bay Area. We just don't get to see them very often. I especially miss my sister. I used to be able to call her every other day, but we just don't have the time now. I felt really cut off.

I have returned to the Internet for a solution. While I would still like to see my sister more, tools like email and Facebook and blogs have allowed me to stay in contact. My sister and I chat online, send each other messages; it's great. I don't feel so isolated.

Life changes rapidly. Our hectic lives may force us to sacrifice that which makes us happiest. However, an alternative is usually just around the corner. While I don't want to only have an online relationship with my close friends and family, it will do for now.

Jerome's visit, July 2008

Here are some pictures from our dear friend Jerome's visit here from France.

I have Two Husbands

I do not mean this literally, of course. That would be icky. And time consuming. I'm not a multi-tasker.

I am referring to the fact that my husband's best friend, Jerome, is visiting from France this week. I have delayed posting on this because he defies description. I have been searching for the right words to describe him.

Imagine a six-foot, leanly strong, dirty-blond French man with piercing blue eyes. Then, imagine an even more piercing voice, a louder than life French accent. A French accent that tells you how to do EVERYTHING. And you have Jerome.

Don't get me wrong. I love Jerome as a brother. He would do anything for Justin, me, and my daughter. Miraclously, he was able to attend our wedding in Tahoe. Officially, he was Justin's best man, but he helped me, five months pregnant, navigate through the snow drifts while I was wearing three-inch heals. He even carried my train.

However, the past couple days it has been intense. I seriously have two husbands. Now, instead of just Justin wanting to spend hours playing video games, I have two boys who want to play into the wee hours of the night. Justin I can handle; alone he is no match against my whining. But with two husbands, I lose out. Everytime.

And then there's the complaining. I can typically ignore my husband's repeated comments about my less-than stellar housekeeping. But now I have two husbands and I get twice the comments. If Justin doesn't notice that I spilled coffee all over myself, then I get a "Good job, Hill," from Jerome.

The thing I need to remember is that if I have two husbands, then Justin also has two wives. Two backseat drivers. Two people waiting for dinner. Two people making a mess. Poor guy.

Tomorrow Justin and Jerome will be going on a short camping trip, so Em and I will have the house to ourselves for a couple days. We will enjoy the quiet. I hope the boys also have a good time. They truly are brothers.

While the three of us may drive each other crazy occasionally, we are family. I cannot imagine a person who is kinder to our daughter. And he is the best friend I can imagine for my husband. I will be sad to see him go.

But I could still use less of the editorial comments...

You never really lose a true friend

When I was in high school, I had ISSUES. Most of these issues surrounded my desire to resist all authority figures and the persistence of the authority figures in my life to not give up on me. The one constant in my teenage experience, in addition to always being in trouble, was my love of journalism and writing. In fact, I attribute this love to why I avoided teenage pregnancy, permanent residence in a half-way house, and a starring role in my local jail house.

In high school, I was the editor of my school's newspaper. And I had the pleasure of meeting my friend, Sarah. On the surface, Sarah and I are very different people. She was always the girl who knew the right answer, did the right thing, and I was always the screw up, the one who barely scraped by. And when things got really bad, when I ran away from home and pretty much defied all rules, Sarah was still there, my constant friend.

Luckily, I can still count Sarah as my friend. She moved to Texas for college and ended up settling there when she met her husband. In Texas, she has created a happy home with two lovely children.

Over the past ten years since high school graduation, Sarah and I have kept in sporadic contact through email. We let each other know when the big things happened: marriage, babies, etc.

Recently, we have kept in closer contact through our blogs. In fact, she inspired me to start my own book review blog: www.littlebiggrrlreads.blogspot.com. I was very honored when she asked me to join in on her blog: http://princessbride42book....

This experience has reminded me that it takes time to know who your true friends will be, who will stand by your side, who will always want to listen to your story.