I Knew It Would Happen Eventually...

Crying at work that is.

Sigh.

Now, let's be clear. I commemorate most big issues (and many small ones) with crying. It's a tradition between my sister and I--cry first, think later.

I cry when I'm mad, sad, and glad. I cry at sappy commercials and love songs.

It is why I will never wear mascara on my lower lashes.

But lately, my work has been the biggest causer of tears. Which frustrates me to no end.

Here's why:
1. I knew how hard this job was.
2. I really, really, really wanted this job.
3. I like the fantasy I've built of myself in my own head as a badass.

I don't want my work to make me cry. Mostly, I feel this way because I don't want my job to win. I tend to view everything as a battle of wills. This is why Tai Chi has never appealed to me. I don't want to move the wind gently from the mountain. I want to blow the effer down.

Charming, huh?

Anyhow, work has been taxing. First, I can't get anything done. District lectures me about how I'm supposed to do things. My boss has very clear and high expectations. The two set of expectations are not often compatible. Second, I work mostly with seventh grade parents. The majority of them are wonderful. They may not be happy when I call them, but they are willing to work with me.

Then there are the others. Those who tell me I hate children. That I just want to make an example of their child. That I don't know what I'm doing.

While it may be true that I don't know what I'm doing, I do know one thing very well--kids. I know what they need to be successful in school and beyond. I know that they need limits and clear expectations.

I also know what they don't need. They don't need to be told by their parents that their vice principal hates them. They don't need to be told that their punching of a child was okay because he did it first. They don't need to be told to fear me.

The thing is, none of this is a surprise. I guess that's why I feel like I shouldn't be sad or stressed or worried about whether or not I'm doing my job well.

Still I can't wait to get this year behind me. I know that gaining experience is important, but this would be a delightful time for a movie montage.