My Muffin Top Runneth Over

Brace yourselves. This is another blog about weight loss.

I cannot promise that this post will be a whole lot different than the probable 90,000 blogs about weight loss this month. But it comprises a lot of my energy right now, so here we go...

I had a baby almost 10 months ago. I was on a controlled diet. I got no candy. No potato chips. I had to watch my portions fanatically.

I gained sixty pounds.

I think.

I stopped looking when the scale reached 175.

I'm gonna blame it on water weight.

So after I had the baby (he was only 7 pounds...not sure about the other 53...), I gave myself a month to enjoy the things that I couldn't while pregnant. We're talking some real exciting stuff--cereal, lowfat ice cream, fruit. Go crazy.

Then I weighed myself to establish a starting point. I had 35 pounds to lose. Okay. I've done it before; I can do it again.

I started a moderate exercise program and watched what I ate. But with the exception of a couple pounds lost here and there, I've pretty much stayed the same. I think the most I lost was ten pounds (and honestly that was due to the flu...lovely weight loss plan, btw. No thank you.), and after the holidays, all the weight has returned.

It's time for me to face the facts.

No, my dryer did not shrink my clothes.

No, I am not just retaining water.

No, my scale is not broken.

I need to lose weight.

SIGH...

So I took the return to school as a return to health. While I do not necessarily make resolutions, I have decided to do a couple things. They are revolutionary.

1. Eat vegetables
2. Banning white wine from my house
3. Avoiding my boss's candy dish (It's more of a candy grand canyon...)
4. Trying to exercise

I did not do any of these things prior to winter break. Well, a couple of vegetables may have snuck in there but only because I'm responsible for 0% of the cooking in my home.

After week one, I'm pretty happy with myself. I brought veggies to work, and anytime I got "snacky", I avoided the candy canyon and ate vegetables. I can't say that I was entirely happy about it, but I dealt. I only exercised once, but I am willing to give myself some latitude on this front. Time is of the essence.

This weekend was the true test. I tend to go a little wacky with the extra calories, especially the liquid variety. To eliminate temptation, I gave up white wine for January. That stuff is crazy high in calories (but oh-so delicious.) I did have a beer on Friday and Saturday, but if I still seem to not be losing weight by next Friday, then I'll give that up too. The thing is that I can have just one beer; white wine...not so much.

So I'll keep you posted. We shall see...

It Only Took Two Years!

For a long time, food was the enemy. During high school and college, I struggled between depriving myself of food and binge eating. I was all about extremes. Either I was running 40 miles a week and eating less than 1000 calories, or I sat on my butt watching t.v. and eating fried chicken.

My pregnancy was overall very positive and exciting, but there was one black mark. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I had to eat a hugely restrictive diet and even went on medication when the diet didn't work. Everyone told me my sugars would go back to normal after I gave birth.

They were wrong.

Apparently, I am pre-diabetic. I heard this news several months after Em was born and it was devastating. But did I start losing weight and exercising? Nope. I kept eating crap. Total denial.

Then, at the end of the school year two years ago, I walked a couple miles with my students to a park and literally gave myself road rash because of my thighs rubbing together. Not cool. I weighed myself and was shocked.

So, I went on a reasonable eating and exercise plan (myfoodpyramid.gov) and lost 20 pounds. It felt great. I lost the weight in time for my sister's wedding (and strapless bridesmaid gown), and it was a great feeling.

But it wasn't motivating, so I gained all the weight back by the next summer. Every stinking pound. And I took a glucose test and yup, I'm still pre-diabetic.

This fall I tried to focus on exercise and I did lose five pounds, which I promptly gained all back during Christmas.

February (Ash Wednesday, actually), I hit bottom. I had to go to the doctor for something unrelated. They weighed me and I saw in pure black and white that I was right back where I started. I had 30 pounds to lose again. I broke down and was inconsolable.

For one day. And then I snapped out of it.

It took me over two years, but I finally figured it out. If I want to lose weight, I have to change how I eat. Exercise is great, but diet is what gets me.

Over the last six weeks, I have lost ten pounds (I gained a couple back and re-lost them along the way.) More importantly, I have figured out some key truths about my weight:

* Food is not a reward...EVER
* Being a little hungry won't kill me
* Boredom is the enemy
* Vegetables are not the enemy
* Either are whole grains
* I can lose weight if I want to

I have another 15 pounds to lose, and I'm about to enter uncharted waters. As of Friday, I am officially a weight I have not been since my first trimester. This scares me. What if I fail?

I think the key is not to think at all. Just do. Just put one foot in front of the other. Put one more carrot in my mouth. I'm at a new place. A place where I can see myself healthy again.

Winter is the devil

I used to be thin. The problem is, I didn't know it, and so I didn't enjoy it. I didn't wear sexy tops or short skirts. I didn't have potato chips and I only ate cake on birthdays. In addition, I killed myself with working out, which eventually lead to a very embarrassing butt strain.

When I got pregnant, I went bananas. Meaning, I ate no bananas. I decided being pregnant and feeling like dog-doo gave me license to eat whatever I wanted. Meaning, I ate hamburgers. Evil, bad bacon-and-cheese covered hamburgers. So delicious.

At the end of my pregnancy, the scale was higher than I ever imagine it could be. Surprisingly, I wasn't worried. (It's amazing how becoming a mother realigns one's priorities.) I began walking and lifting weights, but I didn't sweat it.

A year later I weighed myself and I actually weighed more than at my six week check up. This was a big wake-up call and I got real with myself. I changed my eating choices and I began working out in earnest.

Everything was going smoothly until about October. I had lost 15 pounds (I wanted to lose 28 total), and people had finally stopped asking me if I was pregnant. Then, I got stuck.

I haven't lost a single stinking pound sense October and I blame winter. I am running a ton more, and I'm lifting weights and doing Pilates. Yet, I lose no more weight. So frustrating.

Now, here's the point where I'm honest with myself. I am not exactly Speedy Gonzalez when I go running. And I'm not doing so hot on the diet part too. I have issues eating vegetables in the winter. In the summer, I can eat a salad for lunch and dinner and not give a fig. Winter...no way!

I am trying to stay positive, so here's what I can be happy about:
1. I have maintained my weight loss
2. I am now in the healthy weight range for my height
3. I fit into a pair of pre-pregnancy pants (whoo-freaking-hoo!)

I do have goals for the near future:
1. To wear a sassy dress for my anniversary
2. To buy a new bathing suit this summer that does not have a little skirt

Still, I can't wait for the weather to get better and the vegetables to be more tempting.