Ah, The Cycle of Marriage

My husband and I had a tough year together last year. We moved to a new area, we didn't know anybody, and we faced uncertainty at every turn. He had difficulty finding a job, which lead to a lot of self doubt and frustration.

Then, I got laid off in March, which lead to my own doubt and fear. All in all a fun time.

But this fall, we hit a stride together. Kinda like that corny R&B "Solid Like a Rock" song. We were insanely busy with me working, his credential program, my graduate classes, and our lovely but precocious daughter. We were having great conversations late at night about teaching and school. We actually laughed and goofed around. Money has been an issue, but we have weathered the storms.

Until now, apparently. It seems that we are creating storms between each other lately.

Now, my husband and I both have strong personalities. We are both teachers. We are both first born in our families. We are both used to being in control and making decisions. So when it comes to many enterprises, our interactions are, let's say. dynamic.

Lately, however, we seem to look for arguments. We start snipping at each other at every chance. It seems that we are in a constant cycle of disappointment and annoyance. It has not been a pleasant couple of weeks for the most part.

I'm not quite sure how we got to this place, but I'd really like to have my relationship from the fall back. I know I'm tired, not feeling my best, and stressed about the future (layoffs are imminent), but I really have tried to keep things in perspective.

I don't know exactly what's up, but as our anniversary is coming up, I hope to spend some time with my husband. Hopefully, we can reconnect. Or at least figure out why we are acting like two snarling cats in a burlap sack.

It's been entirely too long

The last time I went out with my husband was in July to watch the Batman movie. The last time we went out to dinner was for Mother's Day. In fact, we spend 80% of our time together on the couch.

I decided to take the couch out of the equation.

My dad was already planning on coming over this weekend, so I called him up and asked if he would mind watching Em while Justin and I went to dinner. That wasn't our original plan, and I felt bad cause I never really get to hang out with my dad, but he totally understood.

So last night, after a riveting day spent in class, I came home, put on makeup, changed into a top that shows cleavage (well, it would on most people), and got ready to go out. Justin and I left my dad and Em in the back yard playing "1-2 Kick-the-ball" (Em's favorite past time), and we headed to a Mexican restaurant.

It was lovely.

They sat us by the water fountain. I ordered a margarita. I didn't have to cut up anyone's food. Fantastic.

After, we went to a wine bar in downtown Sac that was very obviously a first or second date place. We giggled at all the nervous people who were struggling to make conversation.

Driving back home, we laughed and talked. It was a great evening. Even better, I was asleep by 10:30. Perfect day.

Hey, Who are You?

Today my husband and I had a come-to-Jesus conversation. It wasn't a fight, but things are weird between us and neither of us really know why. I love him; he loves me. He's the best person for me, and we are still committed to each other.

But we aren't happy right now.

I'm not sure what happened. Our daughter is older, so we get more time together than we did when she was younger. But I've noticed we don't really spend time together. Em goes to bed and Justin and I watch tv, not talking. Or I go to bed and read.

I'm not sure when or why we stopped talking. He is an interesting person and we have tons in common. I have definitely found myself withdrawing into myself more the past couple months. I've just been so worn out by worry.

Now, I have less to worry about and I feel like I should be happy. I am relieved, but I'm not happy. I feel a huge weight on my shoulders and I am not sure why.

I really hope I can shake this funk soon. I miss my husband and I'm lonely. When I sit across from him at the dinner table, I just can't think of anything to say. And that's no way to be.