Making the world a better place

Yesterday, I had a frustrating experience. It was frustrating for two reasons: 1. Because of someone else's behavior, and 2. Because of my behavior.

Here's what happened.

I had to sell tickets at our football game last night, and I was partnered up with another English teacher. This teacher and I haven't had the best beginning to a relationship, not that she's necessarily aware of that. Last year, she reported something I said at a staff meeting directly to my supervising principal. Not cool. I had this whole stupid situation to clean up, and I did not appreciate it.

So I don't really trust her. Not exactly thrilled to spend 3 hours in a booth with her.

We're selling tickets and I'm trying to make the best of it, chatting, trying to have an open mind. And then she's a complete butt head, and a rather racist one at that.

My school is mostly African-American and Latino. We have less than 100 white students at our school. Our football team is mostly black; since their families attend, our football audiences are mostly black.

Last night we were playing a school not in our immediate area, and it became quite clear that this is a mostly white school, or at least, a white football team. Whatever, not a big deal.

Well, I thought it wasn't a big deal.

I started to get peeved when every time a white family came up, my partner said "You're from the guest school, right?" And to any minority family she'd say "Our school, right." Not necessarily racist, but just rude. (The best part was when this older, black man called her on it: "Why did you assume I was from your school. He was just messing with her, but it was awesome. She totally floundered.)

Then I got real mad when she noticed two youths, both black, standing by her car. She said, "I'm glad I can see my car from here."

And this is where I got mad at myself.

I didn't say anything.

I felt so weak afterwards. How can I expect to make the world a more accepting place where all kids from all backgrounds can excel if I don't even have the backbone to call someone out on their racism?

I need to work on this. I've had this hollow feeling in my gut all morning. I mean, for goodness sake, I'm in a class on equity and diversity in school leadership. Talk about not practicing what you preach.