The Final March

March is finally coming to a close. Actually, the month is going quite quickly. I'm not sure if this is because I have a huge project due soon, or if nine years of teaching has built up my tolerance. Either way, I'm feeling rather at ease.

Yes, my project is due for my master's thesis very soon. Yes, I have a ton of work to do before that. But I know pretty much everything I need to do to finish. I see myself being exhausted, but I can visualize myself actually finishing my masters. It's pretty dang exciting.

I can't believe that it's been over two years since I applied to the admin credential program. It was a rather random choice of mine, actually. In typical Hillary fashion, I got tired of waiting for my husband to make a decision so I just made one of my own. Yes, it was rather hasty, but I felt the urge to change. I'm not sure if it was because of my discomfort at being in a new district, but I felt the need to prove myself.

The past two years have been extreme. First, my classes were intense. Within the first month, I regretted my choice. But then I survived. But my classes, and Justin's, took a huge toll on our lives and budget. We will literally be paying for this choice of mine for years. Ouch.

However, I will be the first person in my generation, on my mom's side, to earn a master's degree. It's a big deal, and I feel really good about it. Especially as I get closer to May.

This week I didn't get a ton done on my project, but that needs to change this upcoming week. It's Spring break and I need to spend the majority of it finishing my project. My self-imposed date to turn in my final draft to my professor is April 16th.

Time to stop blogging; time to start writing. :)

Will the WHOLE WORLD Just be QUIET!?!

My family has transitioned back to our busy time. Justin is back in his credential program, so he doesn't get home until 8 or 9 nine every night. My graduate courses are intensifying. And we have a birthday coming up every weekend in February.

I'm already exhausted and I haven't done anything yet.

Feeling rather raw around the edges the other day, I started to think about the causes of my energy drain. I think I figured it out:

I always have to know all the answers.

Now, I know many parents feel this way, so I'm not trying to say I have it worse than others. I'm just happy that I have maybe figured out a problem in my day-to-day life.

So, here, in question format, is a description of my Wednesday:

Morning: I wake up with cats meowing for food. Then, Justin starts in--"Where's my belt?" "Where's my black pants?" Then, Emerson--"I want breakfast. Where's breakfast?" "Where's my puppy?" "I don't want to wear THAT jacket. Where's my Dora jacket?"

Drive to Work: We had the NPR fund drive this week. Not to sound evil, but it really gets grating. "Why can't you donate?" "Don't you enjoy all we do?" Yes, I do. I already donated. Then Em starts in--"Mommy, I want a song." "Not THAT song?" "Where's Daddy." I gave in and turned to music, but I ended up feeling frazzled.

The real fun begins--Morning Meetings: I met with my boss and she hit me with "What are you doing to include all members of your team?" "Why do you use whiteboards THAT way? Why not use them this way?" "Why does English 10 not have a grammar unit and assessment yet?" Then, I had a meeting with other teachers: "Why do we have to teach poetry?" "What's the point of teaching rhyme?" "What are we going to do next?"

And then my "real" job starts"--I cannot possibly list all of the questions 180 teenagers can level at a person, but here are the highlights. "What are we doing?" "Why are we writing?" "Do you have a pencil?" "Do we have to do this?" "When do we get out of here?" "Can you help me?" The important thing to point out is that all these questions are happening simultaneously.

Evening: Then I have class with my superintendent who asks things like "Where do you see educational technology going in the next 20 years?" "What is the biggest problem facing teachers now?" "How are you going to close the achievement gap?"

Thank God that I got home in time to watch Lost. While it has it's own questions, I'm not actually responsible for answering any of them, which is a rare and beautiful thing.

From 60 to ZERO in four days

I started this week on FIRE! I started teaching again on Monday and I was all focus. That soon ended.

Last weekend, I prepared myself for both teaching and returning to my master's program. I graded 120 essays. Bought healthy, protein and whole-grain filled food for the week. I even ironed all my work clothes for the week. (I do not iron in the morning...it just won't happen, no matter how much I plan.)

Monday and Tuesday were great. The kids were sleepy and I completely overwhelmed them. Gotta love that. Em transitioned well from break to daycare. And Justin hasn't started school yet, so our dinners this week did not begin in a frozen state or originate in a bag.

Then Wednesday I started my new graduate course. It's taught by the superintendent, who seems super knowledgeable and interesting, but it's going to be INTENSE. It cracked me up how everyone was on their best behavior. So no one complained when he kept us there the whole four hours on the first day.

I never recovered.

Yesterday I had to leave work as soon as possible because I had an awful headache. I laid curled in the fetal position waiting for Justin to get home as Em watched Dora. The rest of the evening I shuffled around aimlessly in my slippers and bathrobe (hot), in a constant state of irritation and weariness.

Today wasn't much better. I felt okay, but I was pooped all day.

I'm just not sure how I went from feeling totally energized to completely wiped out so fast. I ate well, exercised, and tried to take time for myself. To no avail, it seems.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.