Wish me luck

t's back to work for me tomorrow. Spring break was lovely, but way too short (as usual.) I have to hold on to the pleasant memories until Memorial Day, since that's my next day off. I'm aware that I may get little sympathy from those not in teaching because I do get the summer off; however, it's amazing what one can get used to.

So, it's almost two months until my next day off, and there are some potential important dates coming up. I should have my hearing with the school board in mid April about contesting whether or not I should be let go. Then, I should find out in mid-May if I really am losing my job.

What the challenge will be is staying positive and not taking out my frustration on my students. I need to remember that they are innocent (as much as 15 year olds can be), and that I do like them. That's often difficult to remember every April, regardless of being pink slipped.

As long as I can stay positive and focused on things I can control, I think I will make it through. The tricky part will be avoiding the negative co-workers lurking in the copy room. I just need to keep my head down, be focused on doing a good job, and counting to ten (maybe 15) when students start egging me on.

Wish me luck.

Winding down

My spring break is coming to a close, but rather than feel badly about it, I will revel in all the personal things I accomplished.

On Monday, I took care of much-needed applications. Tuesday, we tried to go to the library, but it was closed. Instead my daughter and I dyed Easter Eggs. (Well, I dyed and she tried to lick them, but whatever.)

Yesterday, I made a TON of sugar cookies and frosted them fun spring colors. The house completely smells of strawberry frosting and it's wonderful. Em keeps swiping cookies off the table, so that's an issue (the girl's got wicked long arms.)

Today I'm going back to my old school to visit. I haven't seen a lot of my friends since last June, so it'll be great to stop by. I'm taking Em so she can see where mommy used to work.

Tomorrow we'll head to Redding for a big Easter egg hunt at my mother-in-laws. I'm so excited to dress Em in her little Easter dress. It's yellow with polka dots and it's adorable.

Amazingly, I feel well rested and almost ready to go back to work. Well, not really. But if I keep telling myself that, I'll feel it eventually, right?

Deep breath...

I am on vacation and it is a lovely thing. I had almost forgotten because this weekend was full of distractions. First, the pink slip (and that's all I say.) Second, my father and girlfriend came over to dinner on Saturday. It wasn't awful, but tense didn't even begin to explain how I felt.

Today is the first day I feel relaxed. I have many reasons to be wound up. Em woke up at 3 and didn't go back to sleep. My husband got sick last night. And we got the date wrong for my daughter's 18 month doctor's appointment. It was last week, not today like we thought.

Typically, these events would have caused me to lose it, but I feel very calm. Maybe I'm just too tired to get excited.

I do feel a sense of accomplishment. My husband, Em, and I all went to Sac State. I took care of some paperwork for my clear credential and my grad program and my husband turned in his transcripts. The campus was beautiful and busy, and we made it to the office right before lunch.

Now we're back home, and Em is settling down for a nap. I'm not quite sure what we'll do with the rest of the day. I'd like to go to a park or find a local library. I may just take a nap with her.

We still need to make an appointment for Em, and we have a mountain of laundry to fold. But I am grateful for quiet time with my little family.

A Sobering Dose of Perspective

Today is March 15th and most people in the Elk Grove area are aware that teachers are receiving pink slips today.

I knew this as I went to the mail box before heading to Trader Joe's. I saw the little slip indicating that I have a piece of certified mail at the post office. (Yes, we all have to drive to the post office for this particular bit of bad news. Can you say "insult, meet injury?")

I took my daughter with me to the store because she has a great knack for helping me keep my mind in the moment. We had a great time naming all the fruits she knows. (She generally just ignores vegetables.) And she was getting a lot of attention by calling everyone in the store "baby." Adorable.

In the back of my mind, however, I was still feeling sorry for myself. In fact, a Lisa Loeb song came on and I teared up.

At checkout, though, I received a wake-up call. All of a sudden I hear, "Are you Hillary?"

I looked up and saw D, a lifelong friend of my aunt's, and I crumbled. This is a woman I have known for 20 years, a woman with a career, a husband, and two small boys. And she was wearing a head scarf and looked so tired and thin.

I knew that D was diagnosed with breast cancer over a year ago and I knew from my aunt that it wasn't going well. However, it's very different when you see it in person.

She just finished chemo two weeks ago and is about to start radiation. She hadn't been outside in months, so she decided to go to the store.

This woman is not even 40.

I am not happy about my current situation, but I see a new side of things. I have always struggled with seeing the big picture, especially when it comes to money issues.

Okay universe, message received.

Just the two of us

This week has begun oddly for me.

My husband, daughter, and I spent the weekend in Redding with his family. The weather was beautiful and my in-laws had installed a swing set. My daughter (20 months) and my niece (16 months) had a ton of fun watching the grown-ups push them (Whee, whee, whee!)

Yesterday, my husband and I drove back home to Elk Grove alone, leaving Em with her grandparents. She is going to stay with them until Wednesday, when they'll drop her off and my mom will come up to watch her for the rest of the week.

It's so strange because she's not even two years old, but being without her feels so lonely. Driving home without her left a big pit in my chest. I couldn't sleep last night, and I was really restless at work.

My husband and I were together for five years before her, so one could think that we would be comfortable with each other. We aren't.

This evening we've been warily circling each other, not quite knowing how to talk to each other without a little one vying for our attention. I was unaware of how much my husband and I had lost contact with each other.

In fact, I think I need to get off this computer pronto and go talk to my man! (That sounds kinda silly, I know, but you get the point.)

Kids are cool

Here are three reasons why I am so pleased to work with teenagers all day:

1. They are truly kind, sweet individuals when it comes down to it. There was a newspaper article about teacher lay-offs yesterday, and so many kids came to me and said things like, "This school wouldn't be the same without you," "Who would I talk to?", and "I'm not worried about you Ms H; you'll be here next year." So unexpected and so kind.

2. They will do almost anything I ask. We read Shakespeare's sonnet "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day", which is rather difficult to understand. I gave them the assignment to write an original poem responding to the speaker (he basically tells a woman she'll be ugly one day), and I was worried they wouldn't do the assignment. But they amazed me! Their poems are clever and funny and totally wonderful.

3. They show up when it counts. I teach an 8th period for upper class men who need to repeat English 9, 10, or 12 for an hour after school every day. I have at least 30 kids show up every day and they are respectful and intelligent. We have great conversations about literature and they obviously care about doing well.

I have the best job.

Ah, the rosy memories of youth

This weekend I was in Tahoe with my husband. We were celebrating our anniversary, and it was all-in-all a very pleasant time. We rented a lovely cabin, ate meals with no high chair, and didn't have to bathe anyone but ourselves. Fantastic time.

However, I spent most of the past two days in considerable pain. My knees are killing me, and it's all my own fault. I have forgotten that I'm not 15.

We spent Saturday walking around the village at North Star, where they had an ice rink. After lunch, and a glass of wine, I said to my husband: "We should go ice skating. It would be so romantic." HA!

After two seconds on the ice, I realized my fantasies of skating hand in hand with Justin were out-of-this-world crazy. We can't do anything together. It would requires one to follow the other one...nope, not happening.

So we skate on our lonesomes, but it's actually rather fun, when you get past the ankle pain and gasping for breath. We are somewhat racing each other and marveling at the little six-year olds whipping past us. Justin reaches his exercise breaking point, and I say I'm going to take one more circle around, which I totally know is a BAD idea.

I'm starting to pick up speed, and I'm feeling confident, which is never a good thing in these situations. And BAM! I'm on my knees. And I want to cry so bad cause it HURTS. Of course, I'm wearing a big orange jacket, so it's not like I'm hard to notice.

My first thought is "Crap, did Justin see?" Of course he did. I can hear him laughing from the other side of the rink. Needless to say, skating is not my friend.