When Life Gives You Lemons...

Yes, you can imagine where this is going. The thing is, I am not a huge fan of lemonade, in either the literal or metaphorical sense. I would like to think of myself as a positive person, but when it comes down to it, I am a worry-wart big time.

Right now, however, I am trying to make an effort to focus on the positive. This is for several reasons. One, I know that things are not as bad as they look; I just tend to focus so fully on the negative that I can't see the positive. Two, I do have really exciting things happening now and I'd hate to spoil them.

So, here's my lemons:

Lemon 1--The Job Situation

I don't have a job next year. I have tenure. However, this is the first time that it really looks like I won't be offered a job back until summer, potentially until August. If that is the case, I will need to clean out my room, pack things up, and say good-bye to the school I've worked at for three years. Yes, it has not been an easy three years, and I am okay with moving on, but I hate not knowing where I will move on.

My Attempt at Lemonade:

I keep telling my kids (and myself) that I am a free agent. I am well-educated and experienced. There will be something next year. I hate the idea of interviewing for an English position; I thought at this point I'd be focusing on admin jobs. But my husband did get his job back, so that's a decrease in our stress level. COBRA is being partially subsidized, so that's another issue resolved.

Lemon 2--The Baby Situation

I wanted to get pregnant last year, but Justin and I decided to wait until he was done with his first year teaching and I had finished my masters. So I was very excited this winter when Justin told me he was ready to start trying. In March I went off the pill, all ready to go. Then I talked to my doctor, and she told me it can take up to six months just to get your period after the pill. So it's been a month and a half. I have a ways to wait. I hate waiting. My body feels like dog doo and I am getting anxious waiting for any sign of a period.

My attempt at Lemonade:

This is really not a good time for being pregnant. I know that. I know that if I were to get pregnant now, I would be angry because the job situation would be taking away from the experience. On an intellectual level, I know my stress about being unable to conceive is unfounded. Also, I do want to be available for my sister this summer as she prepares for her first kid. Me throwing up every five seconds might hamper that effort.

Part of my need to focus on reality is that I just finished my masters. This is something I've always wanted to do, and I actually did it. There were moments that I thought I couldn't, but I finished the dang thing. I really don't want anything to take away from my happiness at finishing the program.

So here I am, ready to take a big gulp of lemonade. Sigh...

Feeling Da Funk

Two months ago, I went off the pill and became one of those "Actively Trying" people (as labeled by the BabyCenter website; sidenote--if you want to read wacky, go to that site. My goodness.)

At first I was excited to plan for our next child, especially since the first was a surprise. I read up on ovulation since I had forgotten everything I learned in 7th grade science. It was a little embarrassing to not know anything about my own body, but luckily the wonderful internet quickly reminded me of all the particulars. Oh, the internet.

Again, at first I was excited. And then I remembered, oh right, I am NOT patient. Planning anything stresses me out. Delayed gratification is not my thing. Not so fun.

So back to the beginning, I went off the pill. A week later I had what I thought was a period. Okay. I tried to plan off of that. 14 days exactly after the first day of my period, I felt the pains I've always associated with ovulation. Okay. Good. I calculated my next period to be around April 22nd. Good deal.

Well, it's April 26th. No period, and no cause to celebrate. The four pregnancy tests I've taken this week have said "Not pregnant" in bold and, I think, rather judgemental, words. (Again, I = NOT PATIENT.)

Earlier this week, I thought I felt my period coming and I have certainly had what my husband would call killer PMS (not to my face of course because he would die.) But no period.

So I called Kaiser today to schedule an appointment. It's been almost two years since my last OBGYN visit, so it seemed prudent any ways to make sure the plumbing is all good and ready to go. First appointment--May 26th. Yeah, a freaking month away. Nice.

Now begins the time when I have a stern talking-to with myself. I'll just stop drinking. I'll relax (ha!), try to get more exercise, enjoy my new freedom from school, and BREATHE. Everything will work out. (And repeat 90,000 times.)

So that's where I am at. Planning is sooooo fun. :)

Recent Pictures

It's been a while since I posted some pictures of us and our ever growing extended family.

El Fin

As of Friday, I have completed my master's project. I sent in one little thing to my professor, and that was it.

Well, kinda.

The head of the department needs to read it, and then give my professor the thumbs up, and in turn my professor will give me the green light to get my project printed.

I'm sure that is going to be F-U-N.

But happily I have made it this far. At the beginning of the semester, I thought all of this would never happen.

Here are a few things I discovered about finishing my Masters:

1. iTunes genius is possibly the best musical invention ever. You pick a song and it develops a play list just for you. Awesome.

2. It is possible to have a splitting headache so bad that you need to close one eye and still type.

3. Summaries are always boring.

4. Microsoft is a fickle b. One day it solves all your problems, the next weird crap happens that defies all explanation.

5. I have the best family (this isn't actually a new discovery, more of a big, fat, wonderful reminder.)

6. As with most educational pursuits, it is possible to bore the heck out of yourself and everyone around you. Don't believe me, just watch the eye rolls when you start a sentence with "My thesis..."

7. I can get anything done if I think I can save myself money. (Another semester??? Ha!)

8. I really miss exercise.

9. I really miss being outside.

10. Despite all my whining, higher education isn't a complete waste of time. I do feel proud. Exhausted but proud.

Well, now I am off to enjoy the rest of my weekend.

It's April?!? When did that happen?!?

For me, two months are never-ending. I blame it on teaching, but October and March can be deadly. My dad laughs because those are the only two months in which I have no holidays. Yes, teachers do have really good breaks. But trust me, we need them.

So October this year was really long. In fact, all of semester one was really long. But after winter break, semester two is going by quickly. This was the fastest March of my teaching career.

There are a couple reasons for this. One, my spring break was the last week of March. (This is a good thing now, but April could get long with no breaks.) Two, my thesis is due in April. Well, a rough draft is due.

In fact, it's due in 12 days.

Gulp.

But panic aside, I'm doing well. I've written all four chapters. I'm working on the last major part. My professor sent me back a copy of my chapters. I'm scared to look at it, but he didn't say anything in his message that caused me panic.

And, when my energy lags, I keep telling myself: less than two months until school is over. Less.Than.Two.Months. It's insane how close to the end we are. And lovely. :)

Now, I just hope my husband and I get our lay-off notices rescinded before May 15...